Zee Congratulations! You’ve found a Filipina who you want to marry. You pulled off the unthinkable—you won over her parents. Maybe it hasn’t been that challenging, but you’ve made them happy, especially your future mother-in-law. Now, you’re at the point where you need to know about Filipino wedding customs, rituals, and traditions.
Successful online dater Mark pointed this out when he met his wife, Joanne, on Blossoms Dating, “As a foreigner entering marriage with a Filipina, it can be confusing. I know this as I myself had no idea what to expect when my wife and I were planning our wedding.”
Suppose you are marrying a Filipina and wondering what traditions you must know. If you’re eager to learn, we’ve got you covered.
Here are Filipino wedding customs, rituals, and traditions that anyone planning to marry a Filipina should know, especially if you want to keep your Filipina fiancé happy by giving her a traditional Filipino wedding day experience!
“Pamamanhikan” – The Formal Introductions and Negotiations in a Filipino Wedding
In the Philippines, the “pamamanhikan” could happen after the couple’s engagement and months or weeks before the wedding. It is one of the Filipino traditions where”family comes first.” It traditionally represents an official proposal and is also the groom and bride’s way of asking their parents to bless their upcoming marriage.
This Filipino wedding custom is a ceremony in which the man formally asks for a woman’s hand in marriage, for her parent’s blessing, and discusses details such as the wedding date and location, the godparents or sponsors, the wedding priest, bridesmaids, and groomsmen, the dining area, and even the guest list.
There are many variations of the ceremony of “pamamanhikan,” depending on region, culture, and religion. Some involve families getting to know each other by sharing “kapeng barako” (Liberica), “salabat” (hot or cold ginger tea), “basi” (sugarcane wine), or “tapuy” (rice wine), swapping stories about the couple and discussing wedding rituals. In contrast, others exchange symbolic items and present the bride’s parents with a dowry or “tumbasan.” Still, others share a small feast and discuss plans regarding the wedding ceremony. While traditionally done at home, in recent years, however, couples chose to hold the “pamamanhikan” in restaurants or public places to reduce the preparations for both families.
“Tumbasan” – The Quaint Tagalog Traditional Dowry System
“Tumbasan,” or the act of making equal, boasts the following mechanics: when the bride’s parents offer one hectare of land as dowry, it calls on the bridegroom’s parents to even or equal the gesture by also offering one hectare of land. Sometimes the process turns into a bidding game that provides the newlyweds with something to start their life.
This “Tagalog” wedding custom or practice has no similarity to other ethnic groups in the Philippines.
Wedding Announcement in the Time-honored Filipino Wedding Style of “Pa-alam”
During the engagement and following the “pamamanhikan,” the couple conducts the “pa-alam,” or wedding announcement visitations, in which they go to the homes of relatives to inform them of their status as a couple, the date of their nuptial and to deliver their wedding invitations personally. Also, these stops are when couples ask elders and prominent community members to serve as wedding godparents or principal sponsors and present them with small gifts and refreshments.
“Bulungan” – The Filipino Custom of Making Wedding Arrangements
The “Bulungan,” which translates to whispering, is usually held in the bride’s home and involves the bride and groom’s families (usually their elders) huddling together to quietly make plans, budget allocations, and task divisions for the upcoming wedding, all while whispering to avoid attracting evil spirits and bad luck for the couple.
“Bulungan” typically occurs after both families have agreed on a wedding date and before deciding on further details.
The Filipina Bride’s Farewell to Singlehood or “Despedida De Soltera”
“Despedida de Soltera” is a Spanish phrase that translates to farewell to singlehood and is planned and organized by the bride’s family. If the family’s home cannot accommodate all the visitors, it can be held in another location, such as a restaurant. Typically, not only are the bride and groom’s immediate family members invited but close friends and extended relatives, as well. A “Despedida de Soltera” often occurs one to three weeks before the nuptials.
The “Despedida de Soltera” of a Filipina bride-to-be has tremendous significance for two reasons. The first represents her leaving singlehood behind, entering into marriage, and having a family. The second reason is that a “Despedida de Soltera” indicates her future in-laws consenting to the wedding and blessing it. In a family-oriented culture like the Philippines, most couples will desire their families’ approval for their marriages. A “Despedida de Soltera” signifies that the bride’s family favors the union.
Filipina Brides’ White Wedding Dresses
One of the Filipino wedding traditions is for brides to wear white wedding dresses with veils. Not only is it beautiful, but it has a deeper symbolic meaning. The white dress and veil symbolize purity, and more conservative Filipinos associate the white wedding gown with virginity.
The customary wedding bridal gowns of Filipinos are pretty distinctive. Just ask any wedding photographer. The “Filipiniana” is typically a two-piece dress with massive butterfly sleeves made of delicate quality fabrics, impeccable embroidery, and vibrant colors. “Filipiniana” wedding gowns have evolved because modern Filipino women prefer white dresses with intricate embroidery and smaller butterfly sleeves.
“Barong Tagalog” for the Groom
The “Barong Tagalog,” more commonly known simply as “barong,” an embroidered long-sleeved formal shirt for men, is a Philippine national dress. The “Barong Tagalog” is a hybrid of pre-colonial native Filipino and colonial Spanish clothing styles. It is made with sheer textiles woven from piña or abacá, but cheaper materials such as organza silk, ramie, or polyester are also used in modern times.
The classic “barong” is a common choice in Filipino weddings. A barong of natural fabric looks best with dark pants like black or darker shades of gray, brown, or blue. Light-colored pants, such as pale khaki or light gray, can complement a classic barong for a beach wedding.
So, for foreigners’ intent on pleasing their brides, wearing the “barong” at your Filipino wedding might be delightful and fun without breaking traditions.
Customary Preparations in Filipino Weddings
Preparations for a Filipino wedding include many customs and practices.
The wedding preparations begin a day before the wedding based on the Filipino concept of “bayanihan,” which entails performing small, heroic acts for the benefit of the community. Many family members of the newlyweds and the community help prepare the reception area, cook the wedding dishes, and clear the path for the entourage. Specific preparations differ depending on region, religion, and ethnic group:
- Some prepare a special sticky rice cake with distinctive wooden spoons and placements.
- Some also hold spiritual ceremonies.
- More metropolitan Filipino weddings have something akin to a rehearsal dinner where attendees get to know each other.
The “hilot,” or massage, takes place on the morning of the wedding day. The neighborhood “manghihilot” (traditional healer) uses a mixture of massage, acupressure, chiropractic, cupping, chants, prayers, spells, and herbal treatments on the couple to prepare them for their important day.
Parental Blessings During a Filipino Wedding Ceremony
It is customary for traditional Filipino parents to give blessings to their children at the wedding ceremony. During the ceremony, the bride and groom ask for blessings from their parents (and sometimes older members of their family) by kissing their hands or the time-honored tradition of “mano po” (touching their hands to their foreheads). Depending on the religion, the parents will utter phrases in return. After receiving their blessing, the couple can exchange rings or other marriage symbols.
The Veil and Cord Ritual at Filipino Weddings
To represent being clothed as one, during the ceremony, wedding sponsors or godparents place a lace veil over the shoulders of the bride and the groom. A long, white, rectangular veil is draped over the groom’s shoulder and above the bride’s head. A smaller veil may also be pinned separately on the groom and bride.
The cord ceremony typically follows the veil ceremony at Filipino weddings. The “yugal” is a knotted, infinity-shaped ceremonial cord made of silk, beads, flowers, coins, or a large rosary if the ceremony is Catholic. The “yugal” encircles the pair in the shape of an eight and represents an enduring fidelity commitment.
The Significance of the “Arrhae” in Filipino Wedding Traditions
Another traditional Filipino practice during the wedding ceremony is the presentation of the “arrhae.” The groom gives the bride 13 coins, known as the “Arrhae,” or unity coins, as a sign of prosperity. The priest traditionally blesses 13 portions of coins in gold and silver. In Filipino Catholic wedding traditions, a wedding sponsor or coin bearer gives the celebrant 13 coins for Jesus Christ and his 12 disciples. In non-denominational unions, it represents the couples sharing worldly goods and their promise to support one another for richer or poorer.
Following wedding traditions that are said to have originated in Spain, Filipino wedding unity coins have a birdcage-inspired design with a kissing pair of lovebirds on top. In modern Catholic weddings, couples often make the ritual personal, which may take on meaning that represents their equal commitment to providing for their shared future.
What the Tradition of Lighting of the Unity Candle Symbolizes
During the wedding, two sponsors light candles, one for the bride and one for the groom. Later, the couple each light a candle and light the unity candle together, symbolizing their union as well as the union of their families.
The Customary Shower of Rice
In Filipino wedding traditions, rice is a symbol of prosperity and fertility. Rice grains are thrown over newlyweds as they exit the church, symbolizing bounty and rain—commonly interpreted as a sign of good luck. In some Filipino weddings, guests throw grains at the newlyweds again as they walk through the door of their new home or reception venue.
The Filipino Wedding Ritual of “Kalamay,” or Rice Cakes
The ritual of presenting “kalamay,” or a tiny dish of palm-leaf-wrapped sticky rice cakes, to newlyweds in the Philippines is symbolic, for they would “stick” together throughout their married life.
After the newlyweds received a pile of palm-leaf-wrapped “kalamay,” a chosen bidder—usually a favorite aunt or friend—bids on the rice cakes for them. Godparents, sponsors, and guests drop money into a bowl on the table as the bidder teases them into giving more and more money, while the newlyweds give packs of wrapped rice cakes in exchange.
Money Dance or “Sabitan ng Pera” at the Wedding Reception
One of the most fun wedding traditions in the Philippines is the money dance, also known as the prosperity dance, or “sabitan ng pera” in Tagalog. It is a popular cultural tradition at the wedding reception where guests either offer the newlyweds money to dance with them or shower them with cash. It is a way to help Filipino newlyweds get started financially since money usually signifies good luck, prosperity, and abundance in one’s life and shows how much they are loved and appreciated. During the dance, guests use tape or pins to attach money or red envelopes (in the case of the Filipino-Chinese) to the wedding dress and “Barong Tagalog.”
Male guests form a line in front of the bride to dance with and pin money on her gown, while female guests dance with and pin money on the groom. The pinning can get creative with bills pinned together as garlands, made into crowns, or streaming down their clothing. If many dancers and guests take turns dancing with the bride and groom, this “decorating” can take a while.
Sharing of Food During a Wedding Reception
While wedding cakes are a Western custom, Filipino couples may give their parents and elders the first slice, extending their shared responsibilities and guidance over the newlyweds. In some provincial Filipino weddings, small servings of the fare are offered to departed family members in a solemn ritual that occurs either just after the wedding feast or the day after.
Food is shared between guests, most often as a symbol of unity. The newlyweds take turns sharing food with their families. It is customary for the bride’s family to give their blessing by offering rice cakes or pastries, while the groom’s parents offer fruits or cakes. After this lovely display, wedding guests can now be served at both tables.
Like any observance at any Filipino wedding, this emphasizes the importance of having a solid bond between the couple’s families after they tie the knot. Not only do they get to enjoy each other’s company at their wedding fete, but they also get to share in each other’s culture through this custom!
Many weddings in the Philippines tend to blend classic favorites with Western and Asian fare, but what is a wedding in the Philippines without Filipino food? Although there is no set menu, several options for a delectable meal include “adobo,” “kaldereta,” “kakanin,” “Lechon,” and “pancit.”
Performance of Traditional Dances During the Wedding Reception
The newlyweds would perform traditional dances for their guests at some Filipino weddings. The “Pangalay,” a colorful and elaborate wedding dance performed in some Filipino-Muslim weddings, and the “Salidsid,” a playful courtship dance performed by the Kalinga people of Northern Philippines, are two examples.
Even if you and your Filipina fiancée do not want an overly elaborate Asian wedding, incorporating just a few long-established elements can be meaningful, mainly if it involves your parents or your relationship with them. Traditions may also appear novel to friends who have never seen or experienced them. We’d love to hear how you and your bride honored traditional Filipino elements at your wedding and how you celebrated them.